Alan Dee: No need to applaud, this orgy of self-congratulation needs to be nipped in the bud

Opinion
Opinion

Call me old school, but I do believe that modesty befits a man. I’m talking about a man because the last time I checked I was one, and the phrase runs lightly off the tongue – the same principle applies to people of all shades of gender classification, however they chose to disport their reproductive parts.

But I digress. Modesty. If something goes right for you, it’s not seemly to scream or shout, to pull up your top to reveal a specially-prepared vest with a message to your sick gran, or kick off on some elaborate choreographed routine.

We’re not all Premiership footballers, thank goodness, but we all have little moments of triumph in our everyday lives to which the correct response is a half smile, a downward look and an optional shrug, however much you want to start fist-pumping and hissing ‘Yesssss!’ like a kettle on steroids.

But that’s not enough for the numpties who oversee TV quiz shows, and their insistence on inappropriate self-congratulation can only nibble away at the proper place of modesty in our society,

That’s because the production pillocks in charge of the glitzier sort of show – the likes of University Challenge and Mastermind are honourable exceptions here, but I must sadly point the finger at the otherwise peerless Pointless as well as many other flimsier formats – insist that absolutely everyone applauds absolutely everything.

It doesn’t matter it your answer is a bog-standard effort or a piece of left-field inspiration that leaves everyone in the studio gob-smacked with your arcane intelligence – you’re going to get a round of applause.

But worse than that, you are going to have to applaud yourself.

Why this is so I cannot fathom. It may be for symmetry, it may be that it makes it easier to edit the finished show if everybody is applauding all the time. Whatever the reason, it’s wrong and we need to put a stop to it.

Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if we carried over this carry on into everyday life?

Imagine a simple supermarket queue – the customer would doubtless deserve a ripple of applause for not needing any help packing, for getting their PIN number right, for producing their loyalty card – the list of little achievements in even the simplest transaction is endless.

The cashier would have to get a round of applause for completing the process so that they didn’t feel left out, and of course everyone in the queue – the lengthy queue, of course, because all this nonsense would take time – would be expected to join in.

So let’s all agree that it needs to be reined back in a bit. Applause and acclamation should be reserved for those special moments in life, not the everyday victories that should be taken in your stride.