Milton Keynes woman describes her years of hell living with an abuser who 'compared himself to God'

The young woman, who is not being named to protect her and her small child, gives a harrowing account of years of violent abuse from the man she had known since she was just 17.

This week 24-year-old Westcroft resident Toby Evans is safely behind bars - READ FULL STORY HERE - and she finally feels safe enough to share her story.

She says: "My relationship first started with Toby back in 2013 when I was 17. After a year of being with him it became clear he had severe anger issues and as time went on he started to direct his anger at me.

"However, due to my kind nature I had a strong sense of empathy towards him and I tried to look for the best in the bad situation."

In 2014 the couple split up, but after three years apart, Toby reached out to the victim on social media.

"He said was sorry for how he acted previously, and he wants to give things a go again. He was one of my first loves so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I genuinely thought he was sorry, and he said he had changed…. which I stupidly believed.

Within months the abuse started, first with "little slaps, name-calling and pushes", which Toby would laugh it off and say he was joking.

"He was very good at manipulating people and now I realise this was him testing how I would react," says the woman,

"The physical and emotional abuse became more frequent, as did his drinking. This meant he was regularly hurting me and continuously threatening to kill my family if I told anyone what was going on.

"When I found out I was pregnant in Sept 2018 it escalated even further. One evening I was at his house and it was clear he was intoxicated. He started to shout at me and humiliate me in front of his family. He could see I was becoming distressed and beginning to cry. His response to this was to grabbed me, throw me onto the ground and drag me across the kitchen"

A member of the family called the police, but the woman says she was "too scared" to tell them anything.

She now realises she was becoming very emotionally reliant on Toby and he used that to his advantage.

"I was completely under his control. I felt like I had no one and I was isolated, and he made me feel like I had no where to turn for help without consequences," she recalls.

"Toby would always start arguments with me about my past boyfriends, and one evening in July 2018 he started an argument with me about this, where he proceeded to punch me. I managed to leave and went to see my friend. Toby rang me and threatened to hurt me unless I returned. When he turned up in his car he was holding a knife and threatening to use it on my family unless I me to get into the car.

"He drove me to the woods, where he proceeded to punch me in the face and in my head. At this point I really thought he was going to kill me. He held the knife to my throat and said ‘ If you don’t let me kill your parents, I’m going to make you suffer’.

"From this point on I was absolutely terrified of him, not just for my safety by for my family."

A couple of months later Toby's anger erupted again when a tyre blew on his car.

"He immediately blamed me for this. We got out the car and I tried to calm him down, he screamed at me, smashed his own window

screen and threw me into a thorn bush when he knew I was four weeks pregnant," says the woman.

A month later, while staying at Toby's house while his family was on holiday, he started screaming at his pregnant partner about past boyfriends.

"I went upstairs to get away from him and he followed me up the stairs with a meat cleaver. He said he was going to hurt me and the baby.

I managed to get the meat cleaver from his hand, where he then straddled me so I couldn’t move, when he was on top of me he strangled me until I nearly passed out.

"When he eventually stopped strangling me, he held a pillow over my face. I was struggling so much to breathe that I bit through my lip. He then removed the pillow from my face and punched me in the eye with the palm of his hand, which left a large bruise.

"When I was asked how I got this, I lied and told people a patient had done this at my work placement. I was having to lie to everybody.

By January last year, the victim was fearful of not only her own life and her family's lives, but also for that of her unborn child.

"Toby was heavily intoxicated one evening and he threatened to kill the baby by punching me in the stomach as I refused to tell him how I met my ex-boyfriend. He then went on to punch me so hard in my back it winded me. I was too scared to do or say anything because he said he would kill my baby."

Weeks later Toby erupted after going through his partner's possessions and finding an old card from an ex boyfriend,

"He demanded we go for a walk. I said no. He responded by throwing water over my head, he then threatened to kill my mum, so I reluctantly left with him. He forced me into his car whilst still pregnant and drove extremely recklessly, I begged him to stop because of the baby but he said he didn’t care about me or the baby."

"Toby then threatened to burn me and to burn down my house by waving a lit lighter in my face. He knew this would scare me as previously he would burn me with lighters and leave marks on my body."

In May last year Toby got angry one evening, saying the victim didn’t show him enough affection.

"This was because I was heavily pregnant and so mentally exhausted. He pinned me to the bed and began calling me nasty names. He then headbutted my in the nose, got me by the hair and started to shake my head back and forth with such force that he ripped a chunk of my hair out, leaving me with a bald patch for months.

"He punched me in the leg and then punched me on my arm, which left me swollen and bruised for a long time. He did this all whilst spitting in my face."

Shortly afterwards, just before the baby was born, Toby kicked his partner in her side - just missing the bump.

He then went on to kick me in my back. This made me fall to the ground making me nearly hit my bump on the floor with the impact."

Later he launched another attack, once again sparked by his obsession with ex boyfriends.

"He grabbed my ankles and pulled me across my carpeted floor which left me with a large carpet burn to my face. Later on in the evening Toby put a pillow over my head, which I thankfully managed to get myself out from. He then slapped me across my face and punched me in my

arm."

When the victim later refused to stay the night at Toby's house the anger exploded again.

"He went into the kitchen got two knifes and threatened to go around to my house and kill my family. When I begged him not to hurt my

family he held the knifes to my throat and asked me if I wanted to die."

By the time the baby was ready to be born, the victim was covered in bruises and marks from all the attacks.

"The bruises were mentioned by my midwife when I was in labour and Toby got angry at me and blamed me for her noticing and that the bruises were my fault," she says.

When the baby was just a couple of weeks old, Toby got drunk again and picked another fight,

"I was standing up, settling my daughter, when he got me in a headlock which made my neck crack. He started to strangle me, but as he grabbed my neck I was able to place the baby onto the bed quickly.

"As he strangled me I looked at my daughter and thought ‘I’m never going to see you again, he’s going to kill me’ . He carried on choking me and I could not breathe and began to struggle.

"Luckily he loosened his grip and I stood there paralysed in absolute terror. He then went on to sleep as if nothing happened.

"It became clear after this instance that he was very jealous of the baby. It seemed as if he was jealous of the attention I was giving her."

The following day Toby came to dinner at the victim's parents' house.

"He left to buy alcohol. He returned intoxicated as I was about to give my daughter her first proper bath in the living room with my parents. He came over and I said ‘ you can help me bathe her’.

"He then held her in the bath and said ‘shall I put her under?' As he began to submerge her ears, my daughter began to scream. My mum rushed to the baby and in an effort not to anger him, she showed him how to bath her.

"Toby and I went upstairs to diffuse the situation, I placed my daughter in her cot where she began to cry. Toby chucked a blanket over her head, I removed it and asked him what he was doing, he then chucked it over her face again.

"I took the and he picked up a litre bottle of drink and was about to throw it as us from across the room. I ran downstairs and I was so desperate

for help at this point, not only for me but my baby, that I told my parent what was happening - despite his threats to kill them if I said anything.

"My dad went upstairs and Toby headbutted him which cause his nose to bleed. The police were called, and while we were waiting, Toby ripped off the toilet seat and tried to attack my brother with it."

Finally, this time, the victim plucked up the courage to be truthful to police and Toby was arrested,

Her family immediately arranged for her and the baby to flee to Scotland to stay with a relative,

"When I returned to Milton Keynes I was still too fearful to go back home so I stayed with a family friend for two months. During this time Toby was still sending me threatening messages saying he was going to come to my house," she said,

"I managed to get a non-molestation order against him, which he breached and was arrested. 2019. He then committed another offence and was has remanded in prison to wait for sentencing."

On Tuesday this week Toby Evans was sentenced to four years and four months imprisonment.

His victim said today: "It's now been 11 months since I escaped him, and I am finally able to begin moving on with my life with thanks to my friends and family. Some days are still a struggle due to this horrific ordeal I’ve been through, however I often sit back and realise how far I’ve come due to my maternal instincts, inner power and strong family and friends around me. I am so thankful to everyone who has helped me through this.

"I didn’t know what Toby was capable of, he terrified me, and I feared for my life. Every waking minute was complete mental torture, I was constantly in fear on what he will do next. He isolated me to the point I felt so alone, he made me feel unworthy and unlovable. He manipulated me emotionally and physically into thinking no one would believe me.

"Toby would often compare himself to God, he thought he was above everyone and he had that right to treat anyone how he wanted. He often spoke about documentaries he watched on serial killers, he especially liked Ted Bundy and on many occasions said he thought Ted Bundy was

completely misunderstood.

"To people who didn’t know him, he would have seemed like a normal man in his 20s. He was very good at hiding his abuse and keeping it behind closed doors. His abuse wasn’t was random - he premeditated how he was going to hurt me before he done it and planned how he would do

it without anyone hearing, even in my own home.

"Toby was so obsessed with my past and the fact I’ve had previous relationships that he would torment, abuse me and threaten my loved ones over this, however Toby cheated on me even when I was pregnant, but whenever I brought this up he would threaten me and I would be too scared to leave."

The victim has received invaluable help from the Milton Keynes domestic abuse charity MK ACT and she is now begging other people trapped in similar situations to be brave enough to contact them.

Sadly one woman is four suffers some form of domestic abuse during her lifetime.

"MK Act is an amazing charity to help you get away from domestic abuse. And police are there to help you too. You just have to be brave and tell them you need help," she said.

"For people going through domestic abuse, do not let your abuser think you are alone. They put you in a place where they make you feel you are totally trapped and that it is all your fault and you deserve what is happening to you – this is NOT true.

"Do not push your friends away, do not push your family away; there is always a way out and a chance to rebuild your life again. When you think you can’t go on any more, there is always hope, try find that hope – mine was my daughter. Find your inner strength and speak to someone, anyone."

The MK ACT helpline number 0344 375 4307, or you can email them at [email protected]National Domestic Violence Helpline (open 24 hours) is on 0808 2000247.

Anybody feel at immediate should call police on 999, pressing 55 if their abuser is present and they cannot speak.