Son begs care home to open curtains so he can glimpse the mum he's not been able to cuddle for months

John Barrett says he has been made to feel he's asking to see a criminal in prison rather than a dementia patient in a care setting.

Before lockdown, John spent hours a day, up to three times a week, visiting his mum Mary at Ashby House care home.

When the coronavirus pandemic struck and visiting had to be banned, he contented himself by standing outside 73-year-old Mary's window and waving to her through the glass.

"My mum has dementia for 10 years and is in bed most of the time. Sadly she is now in the final stages and she hasn't got long left," said John.

"Her room looks out on the car park so we weren't disturbing anyone, but it was comforting for us - and her - to see her through the window."

He and his daughter Trinity, who is 20, made sure they stood well away away from the window at the Eagestone home and wore masks and gloves to protect against germs.

"I used to go every evening and spent five or 10 minutes just waving at her. It was just lovely to see her and I took photos and videos to send to my brother and sister, who live quite far away. " said John, who lives on Neath Hill.

As lockdown eased, Ashby House introduced short socially-distanced visits in the garden for relatives.

"They wheeled my mum out and put a tent thing over her. We were allowed to stand several metres away and talk to her. It was better than nothing," said John.

But as Covid infections rose again, the home was been forced to make more restrictions - and John set off to resume his window visits. But this time he found the curtains were firmly drawn during the daytime to block his view.

"There were nets on the window and also the main curtains were closed all day and night, so I couldn't see mum at all," he said.

"I went to the main door and buzzed staff to ask if they could open the curtains but they said no. They said my visits were disruptive to other residents.

"But it was only my mum's window - she doesn't share the room with anyone. And I was only standing in the car park. I don't understand how it can cause a disruption to anyone.

"I now feel like my mother is in some way a criminal and I'm visiting her in prison. I find the whole situation cruel. She at any moment could pass away and knowing I won't be there has to be one of the hardest things I've have to accept... The curtains thing is just like another slap in the face."

John, is refusing to give up his window visits and now talks to his mum through the curtains.

"I haven't been able to cuddle her or hold her hand since March, but I can still say a prayer for her. My daughter and I visited at the weekend when it was pouring with rain. We stood outside for 10 minutes talking to the window as if she can hear us," he said.

"On Christmas Day I'm planning to take a little chair and sit outside the window so I can spend some time with her. It would be lovely it they could just open the curtains."

A spokesman for Barchester Healthcare, which owns Ashby House, said: “Our care home is a true home for our residents. Curtains in a resident’s bedroom are occasionally closed in order to protect their privacy and dignity, for example when personal care is being delivered.

"Beyond this specific example, all residents have the right to protest if there is someone filming in the vicinity, with a phone camera that might be pointed towards their bedroom window."

The spokesman added: "While we cannot comment on specific cases, we would like to make it clear that we will always work to ensure the safety and rights to privacy of all residents. Currently Ashby House has not stopped any family from visiting due to their breaching of the guidelines for safe visits and is happy to be supporting families to book garden, window and Skype visits.

"We would like to thank the vast majority of families for their cooperation and understanding during these times and we ask that all families continue to support us by booking ahead for any visit and following our guidelines and protocols to ensure safe visitation during the pandemic.

"We would like to reassure everyone that our approach has always been to balance the needs and safety of all of our residents and staff with the need for visitation and we have been doing this in line with Public Health advice.”